As of now I will be featuring a new column on this here blog: Why I Am Better Than You. Rantings and ravings on things I hate, or love; basically evidence for my apparently as of yet not quite so obvious superiority over every other human being on the planet. 
Before I get to a specific [...]

If you smoke, you are gross.  What a disgusting indulgence.  It’s just like, icky.  It makes you stinky and phlegmy and nasty.  You know why people don’t regularly roll around in dog shit?  ‘Cause it’s gross.  So is smoking. 
 It’s one thing to abuse drugs that don’t affect others, though I would argue there’s no such [...]

So you know how sometimes life is just too good and you think to yourself “wow, I really wish everything would turn to shit so I could get back to living in hell”?  Well, when you get that feeling I recommend taking a few steps to remedy the situation.
 Here’s what to do: Break up with [...]

Different people are different.  I know that’s hard for you to understand because you are you and you want everyone else on the planet to be exactly like you but I am me and I don’t want to be like you because in my opinion you suck and I rock.  I know you think you [...]

Look, I realize you are a big, strong man and you are seven feet tall and you need the leg room and you just gotta let your junk breathe and so you’re spreading your legs, but guess what?  I’m on/in the bus/waiting room/movie theatre too.  I also have legs that require some space.  The difference [...]