As of now I will be featuring a new column on this here blog: Why I Am Better Than You. Rantings and ravings on things I hate, or love; basically evidence for my apparently as of yet not quite so obvious superiority over every other human being on the planet.  Before I get to a […]

I hate ugly shoes. Allow me to elaborate. I know it’s 35 degrees out with the humidex but unless you are about to take a shower in a campground, walk on the beach or wade in a lake, you should not be wearing flip-flops. Those things are fug. And they make annoying flippety-floppity noises. And […]

If you smoke, you are gross.  What a disgusting indulgence.  It’s just like, icky.  It makes you stinky and phlegmy and nasty.  You know why people don’t regularly roll around in dog shit?  ‘Cause it’s gross.  So is smoking.   It’s one thing to abuse drugs that don’t affect others, though I would argue there’s no […]

So you know how sometimes life is just too good and you think to yourself “wow, I really wish everything would turn to shit so I could get back to living in hell”?  Well, when you get that feeling I recommend taking a few steps to remedy the situation.  Here’s what to do: Break up […]

Different people are different.  I know that’s hard for you to understand because you are you and you want everyone else on the planet to be exactly like you but I am me and I don’t want to be like you because in my opinion you suck and I rock.  I know you think you […]

Look, I realize you are a big, strong man and you are seven feet tall and you need the leg room and you just gotta let your junk breathe and so you’re spreading your legs, but guess what?  I’m on/in the bus/waiting room/movie theatre too.  I also have legs that require some space.  The difference […]

Have you heard of Tim Ferriss?  He’s the guy who wrote the Four Hour Workweek and the Four Hour Body.  If you YouTube him you’ll see that he’s a complete egomaniacle douchenugget, and even just reading his books you get the sort of uncomfortable feeling that this guy is a self-absorbed crackpot.  He uses himself […]

Today is the second day of the second week of the diet and I hate the world and everything in it.  Actually, I weighed myself at the gym on the weekend (I don’t own a scale at home) and I’ve actually lost 2 lbs.  That’s pretty impressive when my starting point was so low to […]

I am now on the third day of the third week of this stupid-ass diet.  It’s not working.  Remember those 2 lbs I lost?  I gained them back.  The loss was probably just a fluke, like water weight or something.  This diet is doing absolutely nothing to my body, or rather it’s doing nothing to […]

I totally just cheated and ate a chocolate covered cherry.  Bwahahahahahaha!