Archive for the 'Why I Am Better Than You' Category

Why I Am Better Than You

October 02nd, 2009 | Category: Random, Rants, Why I Am Better Than You

As of now I will be featuring a new column on this here blog: Why I Am Better Than You. Rantings and ravings on things I hate, or love; basically evidence for my apparently as of yet not quite so obvious superiority over every other human being on the planet. 
Before I get to a specific [...]


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Why I Am Better Than You – Ugly Shoes

October 20th, 2009 | Category: Random, Rants, Why I Am Better Than You

Why I Am Better Than You – Smokers

November 18th, 2009 | Category: Random, Rants, Why I Am Better Than You

If you smoke, you are gross.  What a disgusting indulgence.  It’s just like, icky.  It makes you stinky and phlegmy and nasty.  You know why people don’t regularly roll around in dog shit?  ‘Cause it’s gross.  So is smoking. 
 It’s one thing to abuse drugs that don’t affect others, though I would argue there’s no such [...]


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Why I Am Better Than You – Never Move

December 08th, 2009 | Category: Random, Rants, Why I Am Better Than You

So you know how sometimes life is just too good and you think to yourself “wow, I really wish everything would turn to shit so I could get back to living in hell”?  Well, when you get that feeling I recommend taking a few steps to remedy the situation.
 Here’s what to do: Break up with [...]


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Why I Am Better Than You – Different Strokes for Different Folks

January 01st, 2010 | Category: Random, Rants, Why I Am Better Than You

Different people are different.  I know that’s hard for you to understand because you are you and you want everyone else on the planet to be exactly like you but I am me and I don’t want to be like you because in my opinion you suck and I rock.  I know you think you [...]


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Why I Am Better Than You – Men Who Spread Their Legs in Public Places

January 26th, 2010 | Category: Random, Rants, Why I Am Better Than You

Look, I realize you are a big, strong man and you are seven feet tall and you need the leg room and you just gotta let your junk breathe and so you’re spreading your legs, but guess what?  I’m on/in the bus/waiting room/movie theatre too.  I also have legs that require some space.  The difference [...]


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Diet and Exercise for a whole new me… or not

January 28th, 2011 | Category: Random, Rants, Slow-Carb Diet of Doom, Why I Am Better Than You

Have you heard of Tim Ferriss?  He’s the guy who wrote the Four Hour Workweek and the Four Hour Body.  If you YouTube him you’ll see that he’s a complete egomaniacle douchenugget, and even just reading his books you get the sort of uncomfortable feeling that this guy is a self-absorbed crackpot.  He uses himself [...]


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Making progress but is it worth it?

January 31st, 2011 | Category: Random, Rants, Slow-Carb Diet of Doom, Why I Am Better Than You

Today is the second day of the second week of the diet and I hate the world and everything in it.  Actually, I weighed myself at the gym on the weekend (I don’t own a scale at home) and I’ve actually lost 2 lbs.  That’s pretty impressive when my starting point was so low to [...]


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Welcome to my personal hell

February 08th, 2011 | Category: Random, Rants, Slow-Carb Diet of Doom, Why I Am Better Than You

I am now on the third day of the third week of this stupid-ass diet.  It’s not working.  Remember those 2 lbs I lost?  I gained them back.  The loss was probably just a fluke, like water weight or something.  This diet is doing absolutely nothing to my body, or rather it’s doing nothing to [...]


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Delicious

February 09th, 2011 | Category: Random, Rants, Slow-Carb Diet of Doom, Why I Am Better Than You

I totally just cheated and ate a chocolate covered cherry.  Bwahahahahahaha!


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