Jan 26

Why I Am Better Than You – Men Who Spread Their Legs in Public Places

Look, I realize you are a big, strong man and you are seven feet tall and you need the leg room and you just gotta let your junk breathe and so you’re spreading your legs, but guess what?  I’m on/in the bus/waiting room/movie theatre too.  I also have legs that require some space.  The difference between you and me is that I take the appropriate amount of space.  I don’t care that you’re taller than me.  That is no excuse to use up more than your allotted area.  Keep your knees together!  No one needs to see your crotch anyways!  No, your balls are not so big and important that they need to be aired out in public!  Stop trying to reach both edges of the room simultaneously!  And no, it’s not ok to cross one foot over the other knee.  This move still allows your legs to take up way too much room!  And I swear to fucking god, if you cross your legs and your foot accidentally kicks my leg I will rain wrathful fury down upon you.  You have just sullied my pants/skirt/stockings with the sole of your fucking shoe!  Soles are meant to be on the ground, not dangling in the air, motherfucker!  You see, my skin is never oily and my legs don’t sweat, ever, unless I’m engaged in vigorous activity, and I don’t usually wear clothes while enjoying vigorous activity so guess what?  I never need to wash my pants/skirts unless they have been stained in some fashion.  If you have just dirtied one of my garments then you owe me laundry money, you rude fuck!  Now, if you keep your legs in their proper zone and display a modicum of social etiquette then maybe I’ll engage in some vigorous activity with you.  See how generous I am?  This is Why I Am Better Than You.


4 Comments so far

  1. KC January 26th, 2010 6:43 pm

    Yea and old people and pregnant ladies shouldn’t expect seats on the bus. Screw them, sure it’s much harder for them to stand during the ride than it is for you, but everyone gets their alloted space on public transit, and if staying within that little box takes more effort for them than for other people, they should just suck it up.

  2. Nique January 26th, 2010 8:33 pm

    Yes, because clearly being male is akin to being infirm. When I said “you are seven feet tall” I was mocking mens’ belief that their height is equal to their egos. Obviously people who are actually unusually tall, thus requiring increased leg room should all be rounded up and imprisoned as punishment for being different.

  3. KC January 26th, 2010 11:05 pm

    All I’m saying is that you’re blaming men for their behaviour, because you think it’s a choice, and that we’re just being jerks. As a petite woman, you’re not in a good position to judge what is and isn’t feasible for much bigger men. Sitting with my knees together for any length of time is extraordinarily uncomfortable. I do what I can not to inconvenience other people, but we all have our limitations, and this is an issue for me and a lot of other men. By all means sit there and feel smug about how your body type is more compatible with confined spaces, but please don’t think I’m just being inconsiderate.

  4. kebes January 27th, 2010 4:21 pm

    Conversely, KC, it would be ridiculous to claim that all men absolutely need the legroom they decide to take up. We can all agree that there are (many) cases where people take up more room than they really need to, and that this is rude.

    As for the people for whom it would be truly uncomfortable to remain within their allotment, we could get into a detailed social calculation of “Person A comfort vs. Person B comfort”… but in a sense the pre-designated seating allotments are an attempt to establish a fair system. Obviously this arrangement is less comfortable for non-average people, which is true with respect to the weight/shape/sizing of most parts of our infrastructure (for some activities, the big people are inconvenienced, for others the short people, etc.).

    Besides, the initial rant seemed principally directed at people who are being willfully rude, not those who can’t help their size.

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