May 8

Star Trek… *sigh*

Everybody knows I’m a huge Star Trek fan.  Maybe to a point that is even… unreasonable.  But there it is:  I take this shit seriously.  In my defense I was 11-years-old when I first became a fan so my tastes were less refined than they are now (slighty at least) and hell, it was the ’80s.  We were ALL less refined.  But my devotion to the franchise is unwaverable.  No matter what kind of shit they throw at us, I will watch it, even if it sucks so loudly you can hear the vacuum of space (no, that makes no sense, but my wordplay is da bomb, yo!).  Hell, I watched Enterprise, ok?  I watched it faithfully!  And I even defend some of the choices they made in that series.   I am also a militant defender of Voyager… ok, not militant, more like semi-closeted, but still.  Seven of Nine rocked y’all. 

But no matter how much I love Trek, I HATE the original series.  HATE!  We’re talking all caps hate.  Now I realize it was the ’60s so they were working with limited resources, mainly the lack of functional feminism (in spite of Rodenberry’s best efforts) but really, that’s no excuse.  If something sucks, it sucks.  Like, much as I love TNG I can admit that the first couple of seasons were dog poo.  Anyway, most of the reason I hate TOS is because I hate Kirk.  He is such a fucking douchebag.  I guess I get why he’s such an icon and why so many people love him, because he’s all heroic and shit and he’s the alpha male and he has sex with green women and stuff but fuck, dude is a tool.  He is an asshole.  I’m sorry, it’s true.  He is all act first and think later, killing everything that gets in his path.  And he’s just… gross.  Creepy.  Douchy.  (Just to clarify my terms: douchebag= something that advertises itself as being good for your vagina but will actually poison it.)  Ugh.  Seriously.  Kirk?  Mega douche.  But I do acknowledge what TOS did right, such as Spock.  The whole Vulcan concept is top notch.  And they had a few decent episodes I guess.  Whatevs.

Obviously what I’m getting at is the new movie.  Many years ago I came to the point where I was willing to let Star Trek go.  In spite of my love I decided it was time for the franchise to die.  The last two movies made that painfully clear.  In this age of relatively realistic sci-fi shows such as BSG, is there room for the cheesefest that is Trek?  (Yes, I acknowledge its cheesiness, even though it also has compelling storylines and awesome characters.)  Part of me thinks that yes, there could be another series, if they start with a new concept, a new cast of characters and if they are perhaps willing to bend the original Rodenberry rules (such as DS9 often did).  But mostly I am so worried that TPTB will continue to screw up the franchise that I just want it all put to bed so they can’t keep crushing my soul with their lack of internal consistency.

So what are my thoughts on the new movie?  Well, I haven’t seen it yet.  I’m going tomorrow and I will post my review after seeing it.  But in the meantime I am extremely trepidatious.  I’m pretty sure I will hate it.  Because why oh why must they insist on bringing back the original crew?  Sure, they won’t have the original actors, (save Nimoy) thank god but they will have the characters, including *gag* Kirk.  And no matter what they do with Kirk, I will hate it.  If they try to dedouchify him for a new generation then it will be dishonest and do a disservice to the history of his character, but if they keep him douchey then I will cringe through the movie, throwing popcorn at the screen and yelling at him to STFU.  Based on the trailers, he will be in full-on douche mode.  So that’ll suck.  But also based on the trailers, Zack Quinto will own my soul as Spock. 

So I remain cautiously optimistic, where cautiously optimistic means scared shitless that I will want to slash my wrists after witnessing the further shredding up of my beloved franchise.  I get that Trek is a cash cow Paramount cannot let go but I also believe that a semblance of artistic integrity is necessary if you want to keep fans coming back for more.  But clearly my beliefs are wrong since they’ve made this movie without getting my permission first.  Don’t they know who I am?!?!?!

Well, here’s how I assume I will feel after seeing it.

Stay tuned for my review tomorrow.


2 Comments so far

  1. Caro May 9th, 2009 6:20 pm

    HAHA! ‘dedouchify’, I love it!

  2. Jean Guy LaDouche May 10th, 2009 6:00 pm

    Ha! Never heard such a great explanation of the origin of the insult “douchebag”. I just say it cuz it sounds funny.

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