{"id":888,"date":"2008-08-15T14:06:25","date_gmt":"2008-08-15T18:06:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/?p=888"},"modified":"2008-08-23T23:31:39","modified_gmt":"2008-08-24T03:31:39","slug":"the-olympics","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/?p=888","title":{"rendered":"The Olympics"},"content":{"rendered":"

I don’t give the slighest shit about sports.\u00a0 So why do I always faithfully watch the Olympics whenever they roll around?\u00a0 Well, perhaps faithfully is too strong a word.\u00a0 I leave\u00a0the TV\u00a0on in the background while I intertronisize and I periodically check the CBC website<\/a> to see how Canada is doing in the medal standings.\u00a0 The answer is always the same: we suck.\u00a0<\/p>\n

And yet whenever Canadians are competing in a sport, I will watch, no matter how lame I find the sport to be.\u00a0 Seriously, is there anything more boring that watching people lift weights?\u00a0 The answer is yes:\u00a0baseball is more boring.\u00a0 And yet I have sat myself down in front of the TV and watched people make funny faces as they lift heavy things and I have watched men spit and scratch themselves as they prepare to hit a ball with a stick and I have been riveted.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I have giggled at how silly the water polo players look in their little bathing caps tied with chin strings and yet still been enthralled whenever Canada took at shot at goal.\u00a0 I have admired the divers’ bodies and then actually started paying attention to the dives, agreeing with the commentator who believed the Chinese crowd’s overblown reaction was affecting the judges’ scoring.\u00a0 The home team DOES have an advantage, y’all.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I have even watched sports where no Canadians were competing because some athletes are just awesome at\u00a0their chosen field of awesomeness.\u00a0 I watched the American “redeem team” take on the Chinese in basketball and you know what?\u00a0 I was actually entertained!\u00a0 You go Yao Ming, get on with your tall self!\u00a0 I have even gotten caught up in Michael Phelps fever and rooted for him in spite of his Americaness, just because he’s breaking records and taking names.\u00a0 Plus he’s ripped.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But Michael Phelps aside, don’t you find yourself not only rooting for Canada but also hoping the Americans won’t win?\u00a0 I think I am fairly typical in my patriotism.\u00a0 I believe Canada rocks and the States suck.\u00a0\u00a0We’re so much better than them!\u00a0\u00a0Except not at sports.\u00a0\u00a0 And during the Olympics I kind of actually sort of care.\u00a0 I have actually found myself giving a shit when Canada came in fourth or fifth or sixth and thought, damn you Canada for sucking so badly!\u00a0 And yet, even though we suck, I wouldn’t really change it.\u00a0 Because all those rich countries that fund sports like crazy are doing\u00a0so at the expense of something else.\u00a0 If their money is going into sports it is not going into health care or welfare or the arts or whatever else.\u00a0 So I think Canada has its priorities straight because yeah, we kind of suck at the Olympics, but we have relatively cheap schooling, and medicare, and clean water and trees and shit.<\/p>\n

So go ahead and suck all you Canadian athletes!\u00a0 I know you’re doing your best.\u00a0 And I know when you come home you’re going to have a life and then live it, as opposed to all of those athletes from more intense countries who will be locked back up in their cages and forced to do laps or whatever until they get too old to compete at which point they will turn to a life of drugs or worse… coaching!<\/p>\n

But come on, we’d better do better at the 2010 winter Olympics (where we will have the home field advantage) because seriously, this shit is embarrassing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don’t give the slighest shit about sports.\u00a0 So why do I always faithfully watch the Olympics whenever they roll around?\u00a0 Well, perhaps faithfully is too strong a word.\u00a0 I leave\u00a0the TV\u00a0on in the background while I intertronisize and I periodically check the CBC website to see how Canada is doing in the medal standings.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[42,11,10],"tags":[68],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/888"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=888"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/888\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":908,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/888\/revisions\/908"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=888"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=888"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=888"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}