Well, that was disappointing.\u00a0 I actually wasn’t expecting much because superhero movies always tend to be high on action and thin on plot and if there’s no story then I’m not interested.\u00a0 But Batman Begins was actually pretty good, you know, with all the Christian Baleyness and everything.<\/p>\n
But the Dark Knight just kind of sucked.\u00a0 It was long and mostly boring.\u00a0 I don’t give a shit about car chases and fights scenes.\u00a0 They serve no purpose other than giving fanboys and fratboys something to masturbate over.\u00a0 I require narrative.\u00a0\u00a0And there\u00a0actually is a pretty complex\u00a0story present in this film but\u00a0none of the elements are particularly interesting except for one character: the Joker.\u00a0<\/p>\n
If you’re planning on seeing this movie you should stop reading now.\u00a0 I may slip in some\u00a0SPOILERS and that’s no fun so go ahead and skip to the niquehead count if you haven’t seen this yet.\u00a0 If you have seen it then keep reading so you can agree with the following assessment:<\/p>\n
The late Heath Ledger is made of awesome.\u00a0 I cannot even fully explain just how enthralling he is as the Joker.\u00a0 In fact he is so good that everything and everyone\u00a0else pales in comparison.\u00a0 Even Christian Bale, who could just stand around and look intense (which he does a lot of here) and be entertaining is completely blown out of the water by the pure win that is Ledger’s performance.\u00a0 Unfortunately I was sitting next to a nervous nelly of a chick for this screening and she jumped and gasped at every little thing in the movie and fuck, I wanted to kill her.\u00a0 Ugh. Hate.\u00a0 But I couldn’t blame her when Ledger was on screen.\u00a0 The man is creepy is what I’m saying.\u00a0 Sinister, menacing and absolutely believable as a villain, which is what makes him so cool.\u00a0 He is the perfect badguy because he’s brutal and evil and scary and yet you love him for it because he commits to it so fully, because it seeps out of his pores, because he embodies it, because he simply IS it.\u00a0 “It” being total badassery.\u00a0 He’s not just some cartoon in face paint, he is a\u00a0serious mo-fo\u00a0that you don’t want to mess with and yet you can’t help but understand why he successfully attracts underlings despite his tendency to kill them as often as he recruits them, because dayum, who wouldn’t want to hang out with someone who rocks so fully?<\/p>\n
And props to the makeup people too because that shit looked good.\u00a0 Creepy good.\u00a0 Remember Jack Nicholson’s Joker and how stupidly cartoonish he looked?\u00a0 They got it right this time.\u00a0 They kept the classic comic book Joker look and yet made it believable and genuinely scary.\u00a0<\/p>\n
But yeah, everything else?\u00a0 Bleh.\u00a0 I could not have cared less about any of the Harvey Dent shit.\u00a0 I felt like that aspect of the story fell into the\u00a0classic “show, don’t tell” trap.\u00a0 The characters kept telling us that Dent was their last hope and their hero and he’s so good and blah blah blah but I didn’t see it!\u00a0 He just came across as a douche and I got impatient waiting for him to go bad.\u00a0 And when he finally did it was just like, ooooh yeah, I’m really scared by your burned up face, yawn, where’s the Joker?<\/p>\n
And Maggie Gyllenhaal, what the fuck are you doing in this movie?\u00a0 I know you need to pay your bills and\u00a0all but\u00a0seriously?\u00a0 Picking up\u00a0Katie Holmes’ sloppy seconds?\u00a0 This role is so far beneath you it’s embarrassing.\u00a0 The character of Rachel-borefest-Dawes has absolutely nothing to do in this movie.\u00a0 NOTHING!\u00a0 What, you endorse Harvey Dent and then write Bruce Wayne a note?\u00a0 That does not make you a fully realized character! It makes you window dressing!\u00a0\u00a0I don’t expect to find compelling female characters in superhero movies because I know that they are mostly just fodder for circle jerks.\u00a0 Is it ironic\u00a0that heterosexual men have no interest in seeing women obstruct their view of other men punching things, or is it just pathetic?\u00a0 Either way I find the Batman world to be particularly misogynistic, even grading on the curse that is superhero comics.\u00a0 Because the worst offense isn’t a negative portrayal of a woman, but the\u00a0absense of women altogether.\u00a0 And Rachel Dawes isn’t even from the comic! They just threw her in there so Bruce could kiss someone.\u00a0 But she may as well not even be in the movie, that’s how pointless she is.\u00a0 Shit, even the subservient Pepper Potts is more intriguing than Rachel Dawes.<\/p>\n
Oh yeah!\u00a0 And the ending sucked!\u00a0 It was RETARDED!\u00a0 If I didn’t already hate the movie it would have ruined it for me.\u00a0 It was soooo stupid and contrived that Batman **spoiler alert** decides to take the fall for Dent’s bad acts.\u00a0 I mean WTF?\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Why not just blame them on the Joker?\u00a0 MAKES NO SENSE!<\/p>\n
Whew! Ok, I think I’m done.\u00a0 Damn, who would have thought I’d get so worked up over a popcorn flic?\u00a0 (Anyone who knows me I guess).\u00a0<\/p>\n
Bottom line:\u00a0 3 niqueheads and all 3 are for the Joker.\u00a0 [rating:30]<\/p>\n
You know, it really sucks that Heath Ledger has passed on.\u00a0 Sucks for the poor sap who gets cast as the Joker in the next installment.\u00a0 Because the character is iconic so they can’t write him out.\u00a0 And yet no one will ever be able to live up to Ledger’s performance.\u00a0Instead of the Dark Knight they should have called this movie:\u00a0“Heath Ledger as the Joker” and the subtitle should have been: “But everything\u00a0else is crap\u00a0so come watch Heath Ledger be awesome and wet your pants over the win that is his portrayal of the Joker but take a nap during any scene that does not involve his awesomeness”\u00a0 but I guess that would have been too long.<\/p>\n
RIP Heath Ledger.\u00a0 You rock.<\/p>\n
To Christian Bale: Fret not.\u00a0 I’ll still go see you in the next Terminator movie.<\/p>\n
To Maggie Gyllenhaal: I hope it was worth it.<\/p>\n
To\u00a0Chris Nolan: Fuck you!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Well, that was disappointing.\u00a0 I actually wasn’t expecting much because superhero movies always tend to be high on action and thin on plot and if there’s no story then I’m not interested.\u00a0 But Batman Begins was actually pretty good, you know, with all the Christian Baleyness and everything. But the Dark Knight just kind of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[39],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/857"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=857"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/857\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=857"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=857"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=857"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}