I am now on the third day of the third week of this stupid-ass diet.\u00a0 It’s not working.\u00a0 Remember those 2 lbs I lost?\u00a0 I gained them back.\u00a0 The loss was probably just a fluke, like water weight or something.\u00a0 This diet is doing absolutely nothing to my body, or rather it’s doing nothing to my physical appearance.\u00a0 This shouldn’t be surprising and in a way it’s good news.\u00a0 It means when I’m done with this stupid crap I can go back to eating jellybeans and poutine everyday.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The fact is I’ve been down this road before, but I never really thought about it until now.\u00a0 A few years ago I went from couch potato to working out several times a week and I did in fact lose about 10 lbs.\u00a0 But throughout my life no matter what I’ve eaten it hasn’t made a difference.\u00a0 A couple years ago my bf at the time went on a diet that is actually fairly similar to the slow-carb\u00a0agony diet and since he was the cook in the house I also went on the diet just out of convenience.\u00a0 He lost a lot of weight in very little time while I stayed exactly the same.\u00a0 And remember when I went on that cruise last April?\u00a0 Of course you don’t, you haven’t memorized my life.\u00a0 But I remember that I ate a shitload of shit everyday just because that’s all there was to do and while the current bf gained 9 lbs I stayed the same.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The difference now, with this 4-hour body bullshit is that neither one of us is losing weight, or redistributing weight or anything.\u00a0 But changes are happening, oh yes, they are happening, and they all suck.\u00a0 Last week I boasted that I was not experiencing the digestive difficulties my bf was going through.\u00a0 Well, turns out that\u00a0misery was just delayed.\u00a0 I feel like, how you say?… le shit.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Imagine if you will, a freaky combination of constipation and diarrhea.\u00a0 Cold sweats and hot flashes.\u00a0 Sharp aches and dull pains.\u00a0 Throw in some globs of blood and it sounds like menstruation, right?\u00a0 Well that’s ’cause that’s exactly what it is!\u00a0 Except I’m on the fucking bc pill!\u00a0 When not medicated for hormone control I go through debilitating misery once a month, so I take the pill not to prevent mini-mes but to prevent suicide.\u00a0 But hey, guess what?\u00a0 Turns out this diet fucks with your hormones (which Ferriss touts like it’s a good thing) to the point where it cancelled out the fucking estrogen and progestrin!\u00a0 WTF?!?!\u00a0 And it also increased blood flow and made my period come earlier and last longer.\u00a0 Are you fucking kidding me?!\u00a0 I pay good money <\/span>my insurance pays good money so I don’t have to go through that shit!\u00a0 Also, bonus fun times: the bf and I are currently in competition to see who can stink up the place worse with the most noxious emissions this side of a toxic waste dump.\u00a0<\/p>\n I just… I just don’t know.\u00a0 Should I keep going?\u00a0 Maybe if I power through everything will level out.\u00a0 Maybe my body just needs time to adjust to the differences.\u00a0 Or maybe I’m not doing it properly.\u00a0 Ferriss lists some common mistakes, like not drinking enough water, or not eating enough protein, or snacking on too many nuts, or not sacrificing enough squirrels to the gods of Haha! made you buy my book, LOSER!<\/p>\n Well played Ferriss, well played indeed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I am now on the third day of the third week of this stupid-ass diet.\u00a0 It’s not working.\u00a0 Remember those 2 lbs I lost?\u00a0 I gained them back.\u00a0 The loss was probably just a fluke, like water weight or something.\u00a0 This diet is doing absolutely nothing to my body, or rather it’s doing nothing to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11,10,65,64],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1568"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1568"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1568\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1573,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1568\/revisions\/1573"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1568"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1568"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1568"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}