{"id":1401,"date":"2009-10-11T00:22:46","date_gmt":"2009-10-11T05:22:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/?p=1401"},"modified":"2009-10-11T00:34:04","modified_gmt":"2009-10-11T05:34:04","slug":"i-can-not-see-through-time-but-i-do-have-bionic-eyes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/?p=1401","title":{"rendered":"I can…not see through time, but I do have bionic eyes."},"content":{"rendered":"

I believe I briefly ranted at one point before about how I\u2019ve always felt a certain kinship with Geordie La Forge<\/a> and his blindness.\u00a0 He wears a visor to see but it gives him constant headaches and is just generally a pain in the butt.\u00a0 I relate because my glasses are so incredibly heavy (yes, I\u2019ve got the super thin lenses, no they are not super thin on me because that\u2019s just how intense my prescription is) that they are actually physically painful to wear.\u00a0 I get headaches from straining to see but also feel pain on my nose and ears.\u00a0 I can\u2019t even wear my hair behind my ears because the extra weight is too much to handle (which goes a long way to explaining why I\u2019ve always favoured haircuts that are low-maintenance and won\u2019t flop in front of my face).\u00a0 Plus glasses are a pain because in the summer when it\u2019s hot, or if I\u2019m exercising and I sweat, the glasses constantly slide down my nose and further impairs my vision.\u00a0 In the winter I have two options: wear a scarf over my face and therefore go blind because of condensation fogging up my glasses or stay sighted but freeze my face off.\u00a0 Both options suck.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0If I didn\u2019t have glasses, I would be considered legally blind.\u00a0 I\u2019m myopic with a prescription of -17.\u00a0 To give you an idea of how bad that is, they don\u2019t even offer disposable lenses, or prescription sunglasses, or lasik surgery for vision past -10.\u00a0 So the only option available to me is something called ICL<\/a>, where they implant a contact lens into your eye, behind the iris, in front of your natural lens.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0This whole journey began with a trip to a lasik clinic, where they examined me and determined I was not a candidate.\u00a0 Once they realized they weren\u2019t going to get any money out of me I was quite rudely told to be on my way.\u00a0 That\u2019s right, LasikMD are assholes!\u00a0 But the doctor mentioned something about something that might work for me\u2026 ahh, what?\u00a0 I can\u2019t hear you when you\u2019re literally pushing me out the door\u2026\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0So I did some online research and read up on this ICL thing and discovered that the only place in Montreal that does it is the Montreal Eye Clinic.\u00a0 So I hemmed and hawed for a while and then I made an appointment.\u00a0 They were very nice, but that may have to do with how much money they realized they could siphon out of me.\u00a0 I was given the typical eye exams, told that my prescription is now -17.\u00a0 My glasses, just a little over a year old are about -16, so my eyesight is STILL degrading, at age 33, it is STILL getting worse.\u00a0 Christ on a cracker, will it ever stabilize?!\u00a0 Ugh!<\/p>\n

\u00a0Anyway, they were all quite impressed with the shittiness of my vision and told me I was indeed a candidate for ICL.\u00a0 But before giving me the go ahead I would need to see a retinal specialist to make sure I was not at risk for retinal detachment\u2026 oooh scary!\u00a0 So I went back another day and they dilated my pupils and then made me wait for a full 2 goddamn hours before the specialist literally poked my eyes with a little stick.\u00a0 Yes, literally, not figuratively, literally.\u00a0 Yes, it was painful.\u00a0 I\u2019m gonna give it a 50 on my pain scale.\u00a0 0 being no pain and 100 being loss of consciousness or death.\u00a0 So that was good times.\u00a0 My retinas are\u2026. more or less healthy.\u00a0 The doctor said he saw something that concerned him but he is allowing me to get the surgery anyway.\u00a0 I am at increased risk for retinal detachment because of my severe myopia and astigmatism.\u00a0 It\u2019s so fun to be me.\u00a0 For regular peeps, ICL carries a 5 in 10,000 risk of detachment or cataracts\u2026 or death.\u00a0 For me it\u2019s about 25 in 10,000.\u00a0 More good times.\u00a0 But whatever, I\u2019m taking the risk.\u00a0 I need to ditch these glasses.<\/p>\n

\u00a0But Nique, why not just wear contacts, you ask.\u00a0 Yeah, I\u2019ve done that.\u00a0 But I have sensitive eyes on top of poor vision and after about 8 hours of contact wearing it\u2019s just too painful to carry on.\u00a0 And since my workday keeps me out of the house for at least 10 hours\u2026 and since my work involves staring at a computer screen all day\u2026 I used to just wear contacts on the weekend but then I decided that was not a cost effective solution to my blindness.\u00a0 Because it\u2019s expensive to get new contacts every year and new glasses every couple of years.\u00a0 A couple hundred for contacts, glasses at my prescription run at about $800.00 a pop.\u00a0 It adds up over time.\u00a0 So will ICL save me money in the long run?\u00a0 Well, it costs $3500.00 per eye.\u00a0 And I\u2019m told that because of my severe myopia and astigmatism, I may need some laser surgery on top of the implants, which will be another couple thousand.\u00a0 Sooo\u2026 I guess after ten years I\u2019ll start \u201csaving\u201d money.\u00a0 Except my eyesight will probably continue to degrade and I\u2019ll need glasses again eventually.\u00a0 *sigh* It\u2019s so awesome being me.\u00a0 But as I said, my heavy glasses are physically painful and I\u2019m just sick of them.\u00a0 Sick of the shrinkage (everything looks smaller through the glasses, same way my eyes look small behind the thick lenses) sick of showering blind, sick of waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to see the time on the alarm clock, sick of entering a building in winter and the temperature differential fogging up my glasses and forcing me to feel my way through the building, sick of my glasses literally sliding off my face and crashing to the floor whenever I work out.\u00a0 I\u2019m just over it.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Then I had an appointment at the Longueuil clinic, which\u2026 why?\u00a0 They did one tiny little exam that took two seconds and scheduled an iridotomy, which is where they drill little holes into your irises with a laser.\u00a0 This is so the ocular fluid can flow despite the implantable lens being in the eye and whatever, whatever, technical blah blah blah.\u00a0 Thankfully the iridotomy and all further surgeries were to take place at the downtown clinic, just a few steps from my workplace.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0The technician assured me the iridotomy would be painless.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if she was lying or if they didn\u2019t give me enough anesthetic but that shit hurt.\u00a0 Not enough to complain about but enough to have me concerned that maybe something was going wrong.\u00a0 As the doctor was lasering me, he kept telling me to stop blinking but like, dude, you\u2019re lasering my eye, I\u2019m just running on reflex here.\u00a0 Fucking toolshed.\u00a0 Interestingly, only my right eye was blinky like that, which didn\u2019t surprise me, \u2018cause for the past few months, my right eye has started twitching like I\u2019m Rusi <\/a>or something.\u00a0 But my left eye is fine and didn\u2019t blink at all while it was lasered.\u00a0 Anyway, once the iridotomy was done, they pushed me out of there faster than an ADD kid on speed.\u00a0 That was a bit weird, they\u2019d always been so accommodating previously.\u00a0 I guess they were like, whatevs, since they\u2019d already gotten my money.\u00a0 So I walked home half blind (blurred vision from the eye drops that dilate the irises) and as the night went on, the pain increased.\u00a0 But by the next day I was fine.\u00a0 Then I waited around for the lenses to arrive.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0Waiting was nerve wracking and I was very anxious to get it done.\u00a0 The idea of being able to see without glasses is\u2026 a very foreign one.\u00a0 I have no memories of good vision.\u00a0 I was about 4-years-old when I started to lose my vision so I really don\u2019t remember any time when I could see properly.\u00a0 Bad vision is just a part of who I am.\u00a0 All the little aforementioned annoyances, they are just part of what makes me, me, which is why I\u2019m apprehensive.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get me wrong, I\u2019m ecstatic about the surgery and can\u2019t wait to be able to see properly but there is a part of me that feels an upcoming sense of loss.\u00a0 Will I lose a fundamental part of my Niqueness if I\u2019m not blind?\u00a0 Maybe.\u00a0 But even though blindness is a core part of my being, it is also a core part of my suffering.\u00a0 It SUCKS to be blind.\u00a0 And so I am happy to shell out cash and risk my health to improve my standard of living.\u00a0 And yet\u2026 I will mourn the loss of my glasses, I really will.\u00a0 A friend told me that missing my glasses would be like a paralyzed person missing their wheelchair if they could suddenly walk.\u00a0 Why would you miss something that limited you?\u00a0 Because, I say, because sure, the paralyzed dude couldn\u2019t walk, but that chair was part of his identity and he and the chair had many fun adventures rolling up ramps together.\u00a0 Yeah, running up the stairs would be better, but rolling up the ramp is what he had, and it was just a part of him.\u00a0 That\u2019s why.\u00a0 So of course he\u2019d ditch the chair and of course I\u2019ll ditch my glasses, but I\u2019ll still keep them in my box of sentimentally valuable items.\u00a0 After all, when Geordie got new eyes, didn\u2019t we all yell at the screen and mourn the loss of his visor?\u00a0 I mean, the visor is what made Geordie interesting.\u00a0 It\u2019s who he was.\u00a0 Without the visor, he\u2019s just Data\u2019s overly enthusiastic pal.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0But then this Monday I got the call.\u00a0 Hey, can you come in tomorrow to get the surgery?\u00a0 Uhhh\u2026 sure.\u00a0 Do you have your eyedrops?\u00a0 No, you never gave me any eyedrops.\u00a0 Can you come in right now to get them?\u00a0 Yes, yes I can.\u00a0 So I ran off to pick up the eyedrops, emailed my boss to say I\u2019d be taking the rest of the week off and inundated my eyes with the preparatory drops.\u00a0 The next day I was at the clinic bright and early.\u00a0 They dilated my eyes, gave me antibiotic drops, anesthetic drops and put an IV shunt in my hand, just in case.\u00a0 In case of what?\u00a0 Not sure, but whatevs, you do what you gotta do.\u00a0 While the iridotomy was very casual and done as nonchalantly as any exam, the implantation was in a proper surgical room, and I was given a little hat to cover my hair and little booties for my feet, but I kept my street clothes on.\u00a0 I was laid down in a chair, and a blood pressure monitor was put on my arm and a pulse monitor was put on my finger.\u00a0 A very kind and accommodating nurse, the one who put in the IV, cleaned around my eye with disinfectant and I was told to open my eye so he could drop a bit of disinfectant inside.\u00a0 I knew they\u2019d already given me some anesthetic but that was still scary because I once accidently put disinfectant in my eye (I thought it was saline solution, I was putting in contacts) and holy shit, it was the MOST painful thing EVER!\u00a0 But I let him drop the disinfectant and was relieved to feel no pain.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0I was covered from head to toe in a surgical sheet that had a little hole for the eye to stick out.\u00a0 (They would be doing the right eye that day, the left would be the next day.)\u00a0 My eye was taped open, which was quite uncomfortable and one of those Clockwork Orange thingies was used to prop open my eye to prevent blinking, which kind of hurt.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s a natural reaction to close your eyes when something scary or uncomfortable is happening, but when you\u2019re getting eye surgery you can\u2019t do that.\u00a0 So in spite of my bad vision I could still see what was happening.\u00a0 I saw a needle come towards my eye but thankfully all it did was drop more anesthetic.\u00a0 My vision blurred but I could still make out the scalpel.\u00a0 My jaw was clenched but I made a little squeak of pain when I felt something pushing on my eye.\u00a0 The doctor assured me I was not feeling pain, just pressure.\u00a0 Gee, thanks for telling me what I\u2019m feeling, jerkwad.\u00a0 I wish someone would have been narrating the experience, so I could know what kind of progress they were making, how far along they were.\u00a0 It was annoying to wait and not know what was going on.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t speak because I didn\u2019t want to move my head.\u00a0 The doctor kept telling me to raise my chin and not move but I had no idea I was moving.\u00a0 I heard him ask for the spatula\u2026 maybe that\u2019s to push in the lens?\u00a0 Well, then it was over.\u00a0 It really didn\u2019t take that long.\u00a0 They Clockwork Orange thingy was removed, the tape was ripped off\u2026 um, ow, do I have any eyelashes left?\u00a0 I was given some pills, not told what they were for but swallowed dutifully.\u00a0 I was totally blind at this point and escorted to the recovery area, which is in the same room as the prep area.\u00a0 I was offered something to drink and told to put on my gigantic, yellow-tinted, post-op glasses.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0Things came into focus and I realized\u2026 holy shit, I\u2019m not wearing my glasses but I can still see.\u00a0 I almost cried but then stopped myself, \u2018cause that\u2019s probably not good for my eye at this point.\u00a0 My left eye was totally blind but my right eye, while blurred, could see well enough to make out my surroundings.\u00a0 Trippy.\u00a0 The nurse came and taped up the IV shunt in my hand.\u00a0 They would leave it in since I was coming back the next day for the other eye and no point in taking it out and putting it back in.\u00a0 I waited.\u00a0 And waited.\u00a0 And waited.\u00a0 Not allowed to do anything.\u00a0 Waited.\u00a0 Waited.\u00a0 Waited.\u00a0 Damn, I had to pee.\u00a0 I made my way to the bathroom and then came back and waited some more.\u00a0 The doctor took at look at my eye and told me to come back in an hour.\u00a0 I went downstairs and had a snack and waited and listened to music and waited.\u00a0 Went back.\u00a0 The doctor seemed concerned.\u00a0 Come back in an hour.\u00a0 Waited, waited, waited.\u00a0 Still concerned.\u00a0 Come back in an hour.\u00a0 Waited, waited, waited.\u00a0 I was given drops and the doctor spazzed out when I dabbed at my dripping eye with a Kleenex.\u00a0 NEVER TOUCH YOUR EYE!!!!\u00a0 I was given more pills, which were apparently an anti-inflammatory thing.\u00a0 I was given more pills to take that night and sent on my way, with a separate eyedrop schedule for each eye.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0When you\u2019re not allowed to use your eyes, life is boring.\u00a0 I actually covered my operated eye and put on my glasses and watched a bit of TV, I was so bored.\u00a0 The pain increased as the anesthetic wore off.\u00a0 Well, not pain exactly, just an awareness of having something in my eye, like when you have an eyelash or a grain of sand in your eye, it\u2019s annoying.\u00a0 I put in the drops as told and the Kleenex (not on my eye, just wiping the drips on my cheeks) was stained yellow.\u00a0 Ugh!\u00a0 Does that mean my eye is pussy?!\u00a0 I considered calling the emergency line but decided to wait it out.\u00a0 Then next time I put drops they dripped down clear.\u00a0 Phew!\u00a0 The worst part was the IV in my hand.\u00a0 Soooo itchy!\u00a0 And if I moved my hand too much it would hurt, so I didn\u2019t move it, so my hand quickly went numb.\u00a0 That sucked.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0The next day I was back for the left eye.\u00a0 It went much more smoothly.\u00a0 There was no nice nurse this time around, and the doctor did the thing with the disinfectant in the eye.\u00a0 This time it burned.\u00a0 I told the one nurse present that it hurt and she assured me that they\u2019d be applying more anesthetic.\u00a0 Phew!\u00a0 So it all happened again, and this time apparently I was moving my eyeball.\u00a0 The doctor kept telling me to stop moving my eye.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know I was moving it!\u00a0 I knew what to expect this time so I wasn\u2019t as apprehensive and it was over in no time.\u00a0 They finally removed the IV shunt!\u00a0 What a relief!\u00a0 Back to the recovery area and the waiting.\u00a0 I was told that my right eye was doing great and so was my left and released much more quickly and without any pills.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0So here\u2019s the thing:\u00a0 I was hoping for a revelatory experience but it has yet to occur.\u00a0 I\u2019ve worn contacts before and the first time I put in a new pair, it\u2019s always an awe-inspiring experience, where you look around and see the crisp detail in everything and you almost feel like you can see through time.\u00a0 This has not happened with the implants.\u00a0 It\u2019s been a few days now, and the technicians testing my eyes tell me my eyesight is great but I don\u2019t feel like it is.\u00a0 There is no crispness.\u00a0 No precision.\u00a0 A nurse told me I could see well enough to drive, but I don\u2019t want to drive, I want to time-travel!\u00a0 So I\u2019m a little disappointed in that regard.\u00a0 I\u2019m also annoyed that I no longer have close vision.\u00a0 With my myopia, I couldn\u2019t see far, couldn\u2019t see more than 10cm in front of my face, but those 10cm gave me detail you wouldn\u2019t believe.\u00a0 If I put my face right into something, I could see every tiny little precise detail and it was amazing.\u00a0 That is now gone.\u00a0 Now I\u2019m like a normal person and anything closer than 10cm is a blur.\u00a0 This is the sense of loss I knew I\u2019d experience.\u00a0 But oh well, it\u2019s still cool.\u00a0 It\u2019s pretty fanfreakingtastic to wake up in the middle of the night and be able to see the time!!!\u00a0 And everything is big now.\u00a0 Huge!\u00a0 I looked down and thought for a second that they\u2019d given me a foot transplant too; I have clown feet!\u00a0 But no, I\u2019m just suddenly seeing everything in real size.\u00a0 Seriously, I\u2019m needing to relearn money sizes.\u00a0 Nickles look like quarters, quarters look like toonies, toonies look like Frisbees.\u00a0 The world is enormous!<\/p>\n

\u00a0I was warned that I might need some laser on top of the implants, so maybe if that happens I\u2019ll get the precision of vision I crave.\u00a0 I\u2019m still hopeful that the slight blurriness and lens flares will go away.\u00a0 My eyes are still tired and get sore easily.\u00a0 They get itchy a lot, so I always look forward to putting in the drops because they relieve the itch.\u00a0 I get that feeling where you\u2019ve been wearing your contacts too long and you can\u2019t wait to get home to take them out, except I don\u2019t have to take them out!\u00a0 Weird.\u00a0 I can just close my eyes if they are sore.\u00a0 Awesome.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I believe I briefly ranted at one point before about how I\u2019ve always felt a certain kinship with Geordie La Forge and his blindness.\u00a0 He wears a visor to see but it gives him constant headaches and is just generally a pain in the butt.\u00a0 I relate because my glasses are so incredibly heavy (yes, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11,10],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1401"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1401"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1401\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1407,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1401\/revisions\/1407"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1401"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1401"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.niqueworks.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1401"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}